The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
