Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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