What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
