Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
