your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
