Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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