Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
