She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
