Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
