All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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