i permit you to call me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
