her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
