So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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