bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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