just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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