One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
