Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He did a backflip because drugs
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
