That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
