I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
