It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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