Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
