wanna go halves on a baby?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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