Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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