Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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