this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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