I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
