he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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