dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
