WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize