Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
