I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How does it feel to date your dad?
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