Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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