walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
