I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish i was in the wii world.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
