i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
even my farts smell like vagina
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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