Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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