I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
