none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
