I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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