he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
