My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
