We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize