i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
