we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
