I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
His nipple licking is glorious
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