Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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