I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
