In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
