shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
