is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
