It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
