I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
