By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You've changed since you got that strap on
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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