I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
