Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
