found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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