Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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