You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
