My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Randomize
