I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize