Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize