Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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