Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
