My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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