i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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