the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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