sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
