I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
