How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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