i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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