He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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